im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
