Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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