I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
