like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize