The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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