And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
