Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
