we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
