I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
