I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
