she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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