Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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