Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
