when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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