ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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