Im at strip club and am horny
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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