So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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