You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
