I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
