pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
