If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
