I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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