And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
