I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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