So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
