my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
