the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
