Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
