You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
