Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
