Why are handjobs necessary in class?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
