I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
