nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
