also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We're hate flirting, damnit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
