Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
