I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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