watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
