I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
