i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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