So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I intend to get homeless drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize