Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
