Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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