I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
