I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
