I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
