proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
