I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
