the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Mom said you looked used
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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