I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
