everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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