i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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