Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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