she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize