Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
