my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
