even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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