By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
