But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
