I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
