Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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