he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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