I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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