he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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