you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
