woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
