Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
