You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
