No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
